It's been bugging me for months, now I understand it

When I got back to Australia a year and a half ago, after not too long my brother Adrian started me shit, at first it was a little than it was a lot, regular phone calls 2 to 3 times a week abusing me. After about 4 weeks of the regular abuse it stopped.

Before I knew it this started to roll around in my head until it had me pretty upset, and a year later, I'm still thinking about the abuse.

But just now I had a thought where I finally understand it, really everything he was saying was just a projection of his own insecurities, he was calling me a nerd, it's because he feels dumb, and yet he actually isn't, he just didn't get the grades in school. He was calling me bald, it's because he is self conscious of he's own looks, worried what people think too much and also because he get's enjoyment from putting people down. Because he doesn't have much excitement in his life, he is really board with life.

It's all a self projection of him self.

And that was 4 weeks of good solid abuse that has had me slowly going further further down for almost a year. And that's probably not helped by me just ditching all of my friends overseas and moving in with people that have their own life and are not so interested in socialising, hence I have few to talk too about it, or few to just simply hang out with and help put my mind on other things to help shake it off. Instead it rode me mentally for a year.

Welcome back to Australia. The issue's with family, their opinions count so it's there opinions we let bother us most.

And yet it all comes back to the same things, people do shitty thing's because they have problems themselves and project it in these shitty ways.

I'm glad this finally clicked, wish it didn't take me so long. I guess that's what physiologists probably do, just help you see the reason for stuff so you can better handle it.

So the question now is, now that I understand it, I think I can handle anything that comes may way from him in a negative sense, or should I try to say some things to him, to help him with he's own problems.

The nerd vs dumb thing I actually addressed with him a few months ago, although I wasn't really seeing it like this. What I said back than was correct. And what that was, is Adrian often calls me "the dumbest smart person he knows" and what this is about is him trying to call me dumb while calling me a nerd at the same time. I pulled him up on it telling him that the dumbest smart person that I know was him. Because me and him both know he is smarter than he acts, and he likes to act like a dumb. But he's not. As most aren't. Most of us really are just as smart as one another, some of us just look at things differently, and that's due to our life experiences. But growing up with him I probably know better than most that he is not a dumb arse. And I think me saying that to him shock him in the right way, to snap him out of a under dog card that he plays for intelligence. Where by because maybe we got different grades at school that he'd like to insult me now.

But there's still the self conscious thing and worrying what people thing too much. Although to raise this with him, I think we'll have him just turn around and tell me I'm self conscious. Ha, cause he is not a dumb arse and is very quick and snappy. It's funny how thing's are.

So I don't think there's any need to talk to him, maybe letting him know my thoughts, to let him know how he makes people feel. But I already did this, which got the abuse to stop, back when that happened.

So I guess, this is all just me. Realising it myself. I guess I'm pretty lucky that I can self analysis at times, but damn it took a long time.